The advice I often give my leadership colleagues is that their Direct Reports have had life experiences that have shaped the way they think and behave, and they should not group everyone together and paint them with one brush. Nor should they compare their life experiences with those of the Direct Reports. “When I was your age…..”
Rather, they should find ways to build relationships which enable them to get some insight into their past life.
I celebrated my birthday recently and someone called me to wish me happy birthday. How did he know it was my birthday? Because I told him….and everyone else who would listen (Yes, I LOVE birthdays). In the conversation, he said that growing up, his and his siblings’ birthdays were not celebrated (they are NOT Jehovah Witness). In fact, he says that sometimes he forgets it is his birthday and he has to be reminded. I said “WHAT?????!!!!”
Turning this conversation in a different angle, suppose he was a leader, and someone (like me) requested their day off to fall on their birthday, and gave this as the reason for the request, but he didn’t take it into account and did the shift without trying to give the day off. You see how his perceptual world and beliefs impacted his action?
He didn’t think it was important to try to grant the request, because to him, birthdays are not special! Therein lies some of the problems with leaders…..not taking the time to learn and understand where their employees are coming from.
And in “coming from,” it can be taken to mean the leader intentionally trying to uncover, through relationship building, what were their Direct Reports’ previous life experiences which have shaped their behaviours and thinking today.
If you do try and understand your employees’ (and leadership colleagues’) past life, what strategies do you use for this, without seeming to be ‘fas’ as Jamaicans would say?
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